Bristow, who hails from Camberley, England, recently took refuge with the Shandao Pure Land lineage under Master Huijing. He is now Householder Jingchun (淨純), which means Pure Integrity.

　　柯南·布里斯托，來自英國坎伯利。他最近在慧淨法師座下皈依淨土宗，專依善導大師思想念佛求生極樂，法名「淨純」。

　　Like many of our fellow practitioners, Jingchun traveled a long and often arduous path to the pristine Pure Land school. Here is his own account:

　　像很多蓮友一樣，淨純居士也經歷了漫長、艱辛的求法之路，才有幸遇到了純粹的淨土法門。讓我們來分享他的修行歷程。

DESTINATION SHANDAO

柳暗花明 終遇善導

By Householder Jingchun

文/淨純居士

　　Here in the United Kingdom, Buddhism is a minority faith and Pure Land Buddhism is almost unheard of. Yet, somehow, I was able to find the Pure Land way. What's more, I was able to accept it fully after a single encounter. As a child, I was spiritually aware, always wandering alone along the canal in silence while the other kids were busy playing. Seeing spirits was not uncommon for me – something my mother later told me she knew about. While I didn't understand the phenomena I witnessed, it now seems to have signaled a special purpose for this particular lifetime. As a child, I didn't know what that purpose might be; I had no framework within which to understand my desire for spiritual knowledge.

　　在英國，只有少數人信仰佛教，而佛教的淨土宗更是鮮為人知。但我卻機緣巧合地遇到了淨土法門，並對它一見傾心。小時候，我就在靈性方面有著敏銳的意識。當其他小朋友都在追逐打鬧的時候，我總是獨自一人，沿著運河的長堤，默默地漫步。我能看到鬼魂，這對我而言，是再平常不過的事。母親後來告訴我，她也知道有關鬼魂的事情。儘管當時的我，無法理解所見到的現象，但現在看來，那似乎預示著我這一生有著特別的意義。而作為孩子，我不可能知道什麼是人生意義，更不會明白自己為什麼渴望探知靈性的奧秘。

　　When I was 22 years old, I decided it was time to quench my thirst for truth – a thirst that, as far as I knew, I was born with. I went to a library with the intent of spending as much time as I needed to find the right book (or books) that explained the world and what lay beyond it. The spiritual aisle was very large; it seemed absurd to think I would just walk away with the answer. I stood before the aisle and gazed down the long shelves, hoping that a book would just jump out at me and save me the trouble of searching. I'll never forget this, because a book 「jumping out at me」 was, in a way, exactly what happened.

　　我22歲時下定決心，要去解開真理之迷，滿足那與生俱來的好奇心。我走進一家圖書館，橫下一條心，無論花多長時間，也要找到一本書（或幾本書），能夠向我解釋清楚世間和世間以外的真相。靈性類書籍的藏書區非常大，想要從中輕而易舉地找到答案，似乎希望渺茫。我站在過道上，沿著成排的書架望過去，奢望能有一本書出現在我面前，不必我再去大海撈針。我永遠也不會忘記當時的場景，因為真的有一本書，幾乎是自己「出現在了我面前」。

　　I felt a strange impulse to pick up a certain volume that suddenly caught my eye – a book that didn't stand out in the least. It was a small publication, about an inch thick, with a plain blue spine. Its title was 「Buddhism of Wisdom and Faith: Pure Land Principles and Practice,」 authored by Vietnamese Master Thich Thien Tam. I had no knowledge of Buddhism, let alone Pure Land Buddhism; I just had a strong feeling that this was what I needed to read. So off I went to read it.

　　在我瀏覽書架的時候，忽然有一本書吸引了我的眼球，我感到一種異樣的衝動，不由自主地取下來翻看。這本書在外表上，沒有什麼與眾不同，它不過是一本小小的出版物，約一英吋厚，普通的藍色書脊，書名是《智慧與信仰的佛教：淨土法義及修持方法》，作者是越南法師善心長老。那時，我對佛教還一無所知，更遑論淨土法門了。但我有種強烈的預感，這正是我需要看的那本書。於是我認真地讀了起來。

　　I couldn't believe that I was actually awake; it seemed as if I were moving through a dream. But what was happening was that I was in the midst of an awakening, the one we all have when we finally encounter truth. I read the whole book in one sitting, finishing by the early hours of the morning. I fell asleep extremely content, softly chanting 「Amituofo.」 To my amazement, this encounter hadn't been a dream. I awoke full of energy with the Name flooding my mind. From that moment on, I resolved to recite the name of Amitabha Buddha as my only practice and refuge.

　　看書的感受，恍如夢中一般，我不敢相信自己還醒著。但我真正經歷的恰恰是正在走向覺醒的過程，是我們終於遇到真理時所獲得的覺醒。我一口氣讀完了整本書，此時已是凌晨時分。我合上書本，感到心滿意足，口中輕聲吟誦著「阿彌陀佛」的名號，酣然入睡。一覺醒來，我欣喜地發現，這一切並不是做夢，腦海中仍然迴響著名號聲，整個人充滿活力。從那一刻起，我發心專一持誦阿彌陀佛名號，並以念佛作為唯一的皈依處。

　　I imagined that this would be my single path until the end of my life, but many pitfalls lay ahead. My cousin, a very serious Christian, started to challenge my newfound faith. I began to doubt Amitabha – even the Dharma itself. But this circumstance, like everything in this world, was impermanent. Despite these obstacles, the Name refused to leave my heart; it had become a part of me. Eventually, I returned to my faith and the simple practice of chanting Amitabha’s name.

　　我那時設想，將佛號一念到底，直至生命的盡頭。但不曾料到，面前的路上，還有很多陷阱等著我。我的表兄是一位非常虔誠的基督徒。對於我內心剛剛萌生的彌陀信仰，他提出了質疑。我開始動搖了，對阿彌陀佛、甚至佛法本身都起了懷疑。但這種狀況，猶如世間萬法，都是無常的。障礙儘管存在，但彌陀的名號卻拒絕離開我的心。它已成為我的一部分。最終，我又回歸到了淨土信仰，重新開始念佛。

　　But the biggest challenge I would face came in the guise of Buddhism itself. I met an ex-Zen monk who was giving spiritual teachings. He was a very serious person who had spent 20 years in Japan practicing meditation while facing a wall. The things he taught seemed not only unbelievable, but very far from Buddhism. I wasn't sure if I was crazy or naive for listening to him. But he had been a Zen monk! Surely, I could trust him, right?

　　然而，我碰到的最大挑戰，卻是以佛教的面目出現的。我結識了一位曾經出家的禪師，當時他正在講授靈性修煉的內容。他是個嚴肅的人，曾在日本用20年的時間，以面壁的方式修習禪定。他所傳授的東西不但匪夷所思，而且與佛教教義有很大不同。我不敢肯定聽從他的教導是不是很瘋狂，或是很幼稚。但他畢竟曾是一位出過家的禪師！所以，他應該是能夠信賴的，不是嗎？

　　What he taught was that all religions are just an overflow of consciousness, and the sufferings of the world result from humanity losing touch with darkness through its obsession with light. What he had learned from his many years of getting up to walk in the dead of night, was that we are not alone; and not so many years before, he had experienced a direct encounter with the one he called the Mother of all mothers. It was the Goddess herself: the true face of God. She is the darkness we see when we look up on a starry night, and the dirt beneath our feet is her body. No one can escape her. In her, the meaning of life is life itself – the cycle of birth, death and rebirth – and all beings have always been at her mercy, pulled inexorably towards her like celestial bodies towards a gravity well.

　　他宣稱：所有宗教都不過是意識的氾濫，世間的痛苦來源於人類貪求光明，從而失去了與黑暗的聯繫。他通過多年在深夜起床經行，認識到我們不是孤獨的；幾年前他直接接觸到了所謂的諸母之母，也就是女神，她是上帝的真實面貌，是我們仰望星空時所看到的黑暗蒼穹；我們腳下的塵土就是她的身體。任何人都無法逃離她。在她之中，生命的意義就是生命本身——生與死的輪迴，一切眾生永遠任憑她擺佈，必然地被拉向她，就像天體被吸入重力場一樣。

　　At the time, these things really touched me deeply. This teaching seemed to pull on the strings of my heart like nothing had before. But after two years of devotion to the Goddess, I found myself becoming very unwell and depressed, something that I still struggle with to this day. Ultimately, I knew these beliefs had to be wrong; my body was telling me that something was seriously amiss. So, I left the teaching, and immediately my health began to return. (Previously, I had always enjoyed good health, and I believe strongly that this was the result of having said the name of Amitabha for many years.)

　　我一時被這些東西深深吸引。這種學說，似乎前所未有地牽動著我的心。但是，經過兩年虔誠地信仰女神，我發現自己變得非常病態和沮喪，直到今天，我仍要與這種狀態抗爭。我終於悔悟到，信仰這些理論是錯誤的，我的身體也告訴我，有些東西很不對頭。最終，我放棄了這種學說，身體狀況立即開始好轉。（在信仰這種學說之前，我一直很健康，這無疑是多年念佛的結果。）

　　Finally, I found my way back to the Pure Land path, and felt very happy to be returning to the teaching that had nurtured me for half my life. But there was still one last issue that needed resolving: Which is the correct interpretation of the Pure Land Dharma? After much reading and contemplating, I had a realization that has been shared by many a bygone Buddhist master: Shandao was the father of this teaching; he had been Amitabha himself, manifest in the world. As stated in his 「Commentary on the Contemplation Sutra,」 Master Shandao's words are authorized by the Buddhas and are authoritative for all time! This statement has been deeply imprinted in my mind.

　　最後，我終於又回到了淨土法門中。是淨土教理，曾經在我生命一半的時間裡，滋養著我的身心。回歸淨土法門，我是多麼高興啊。但仍有最後一個問題需要解決：淨土教法的正確義理究竟是什麼？我進行了大量的涉獵、閱讀和思考，終於像今天的蓮友們一樣明白了，原來中國唐朝的善導大師是淨土宗的開宗祖師，他是彌陀化身，應現於世。他在《觀經四貼疏》中明言告白，以此觀經要義，楷定古今，並請諸佛證定！這些文字已深深印在我的腦海裡。

　　I experienced a few difficulties in transitioning out of the Japanese Pure Land schools, but this is perhaps to be expected after having invested over a decade studying the teachings of Honen, Shinran and Ippen. Despite my ongoing battle with depression, I am happy to be home, and the support I receive from the growing Shandao-lineage network in the English-speaking world is truly priceless. This is my family, one that extends across all the Dharma realms for all time. Together, we will all become Buddhas, and assist in liberating all beings everywhere under the compassionate guidance of our true parent, Amitabha the immeasurable one!

　　我經歷了一點困難，才從各種信仰教派的影響中走出來，但這也屬意料之中的事，畢竟我曾用十多年時間，學習其他祖師們的教法。儘管我仍然在不停地與抑鬱症作鬥爭，但能夠回家使我很欣慰。在英語世界裡，皈依善導大師思想的人越來越多，蓮友們給了我很多幫助，他們都是我的家人，這是一個周遍法界、縱貫三世的大家庭。我們將一道成佛，再去十方世界度化眾生，這一切都要仰仗我們的慈父阿彌陀佛的力量啊!

　　Namo Amitabha!

　　南無阿彌陀佛