作者: Householder Jingji 净机 居士
中文译者: 加拿大 净普居士
In early 2015, Householder Jingji (净机) recently became the second non-Chinese to take refuge in the Pure Land school under Master Huijing. Born and educated in Moscow, Russia, Jingji now divides his time between Nepal and Thailand. Here is his account of his own tortuous search for spiritual fulfillment, which lead him from Hinduism and Tibetan Buddhism to Japan's Jodo Shinshu and, finally, the Pure Land lineage of Master Shandao:
本文作者净机居士是美国籍的净行居士後第二位皈依慧净师父的非华人莲友，在俄国莫斯科出生、受教育，现居尼泊尔及泰国，入本门前曾修学印度教、藏传佛教、日本净土真宗以及日本净土宗。
The first time I heard the essence of Buddhist teaching was when I was 16. In my hometown of Moscow, our teacher in college included an overview of the Four Noble Truths in a course on philosophy. This was a watershed moment for me, which I remember very vividly. It was the first time I came to realize that I wasn’t that strange, “gloomy” or even abnormal, as my parents and friends sometimes described me. They thought so because I felt powerfully that life was full of suffering. I had had this conviction since I was 13. In that class, I heard from our professor that it wasn’t only I who thought so, but Shakyamuni Buddha himself. Not only did he believe it, but this notion – existential suffering and how to remedy it – became the cornerstone of all Buddhism, one of the global religions. I well remember how inspiring these insights were!
第一次听闻佛教的要义，是我十六岁的那一年。莫斯科是我的祖家。有一天，老师把佛教的四圣谛，作为哲学课程授课。我听後，如沐春风，此时刻清晰地现在脑海中。父母和朋友常常说我畸怪、忧郁、不平常，但这次经历使我第一次知道：我并非如他们所说。他们这样评价我，是因为我自十三岁的时候，已有一种强烈的感觉：生命是充满苦恼的。教授还对我说，不只我这麽想，释迦牟尼佛亦如是想。佛不只这样信，而且将解脱现世苦恼的方法，构建成为佛教思想的基石，使佛教成为世界性宗教之一。此深远的见解触动我、啓发我；我不会忘记的。
Yet, at that time I did not explore Buddhism thoroughly. There was this scary concept of “emptiness,” which I immediately misunderstood as non-existence. Somehow, I felt that there must be some Absolute, perhaps not exactly a God – an anthropomorphic being who sits in the sky and judges everyone – but an Ultimate Reality, consciousness itself. So I started studying Hinduism and its many schools, which from the very beginning postulates the existence of such an Ultimate Reality.
此刻，我尚未彻底深入地钻研佛教。我错误地把佛教的「空性」思想联想为「空无一物」，因而被吓怕了。我感到世上有「绝对」的存在，它不一定神。神是高高在上的一种「人性化」力量去评判每个人，但「绝对」是「终极实相」、是心识本身。我开始学习印度教及其派系，因为他们很早以前已假设此种「终极实相」的存在。
I spent about ten years examining various Hindu traditions and visiting spiritual centers and masters in my home country, Russia. Hinduism also believes that life as we know it is something to be transcended, for it is full of suffering, the main one being continued transmigration in the wheel of samsara (cycle of rebirth). Gradually I ended up studying and trying to practice the teachings of non-duality (Advaita Vedanta).
我花了十年时间探讨各种印度教，也拜访莫斯科的寺院和僧众。众所周知，无休止的生死轮回也是印度教的信仰，而人们必须要超越此充满苦恼的主因。最後，我尝试修习「不二法门」。
In 2005 I went to Asia for the first time, and my destination was Nepal. I was very interested to see for myself Hinduism “at work” in this, at that time, Hindu kingdom. I was surprised, and repelled, when I was forbidden to enter the main temple of Nepal devoted to Shiva, called Pashupatinath. The signs said “Hindus only,” and the guards immediately sensed that I was not “one of them.” I tried to explain to them that I was probably much more Hindu and knew more about Hinduism than they did, but all was in vain.
2005年，我首次踏足亚洲，目的地是尼泊尔。我竟然发现此地是印度教的王国，而且十分活跃。但我竟碰钉而被拒於门外，没法进入尼泊尔最大的寺庙，参拜湿婆神，又名大自在天。寺前贴有告示：只准印度教徒进内。寺门的警卫二话不说，认定我不是他们的一份子。我企图向他们解释说，我所知的印度教还比他们多，结果是徒劳无功。
Besides, Kathmandu and its surrounding areas were not inviting at all, filled with filth and rubbish of all kinds. Deeply frustrated, I went with a friend to a well-known Buddhist establishment, located just 10 minutes away. What a tremendous difference! I felt like I was in a totally different country, as the place was very clean and the energy entirely dissimilar. The magnificent stupa of Boudhanath was gazing on all four sides with eyes of compassion and understanding (pictured) ... I was utterly amazed and captivated by the environment.
还有，我对加德满都及其周边地区没有一点好感，遍地都是垃圾，肮脏不堪。我感到困扰不安，随即与朋友步行十分钟，转往另一佛教道场。此处分别很大，如两个截然不同的世界，十分洁净，释出的能量不一样。眼前的雄伟的波大那佛塔，四边的慈眼和慧眼闪闪发光，令我惊喜不已，使我着迷了！
From then on, I turned virtually my entire attention to Buddhism. I read as much as I could about various Buddhist lineages and their doctrines. Several months later I took refuge in the Three Gems in Kathmandu with a Tibetan lama. Naturally, the transition from mystical Hinduism to the perhaps even more mystical world of Vajrayana Buddhism was quite simple. Everything seemed to be filled with wonder and enigma, and thus very inspiring.
此刻开始，我实际上已将注意力完全转入佛教。我倾力地阅读各种宗派的佛教书籍。数月後，在加德满都一位喇嘛主持下，我皈依三宝了。由满天神佛的印度教转入神秘莫测的金刚密乘教，我自然不感到太困难，反正一切事物虽具启发性，但似是充满神奇，难以理解的。
For personal reasons, I decided to discontinue my rather common life in Russia and devote myself to the study and practice of Buddhism in Asia. I moved to Kathmandu and joined a Buddhist institute there. The more I studied and practiced Tibetan Buddhism, the more obvious it became that this tradition was just too sophisticated and complicated for me. From inside, I felt the urge to walk around the great Boudhanath stupa, chanting the mantra of the Bodhisattva Avalokitesvara, “Om Mani Padme Hum.” I would sometimes spend two or three hours a day on this practice, though nobody was telling me to do that. It just came naturally.
基於个人理由，我决定中止在俄罗斯的平凡生活，全情投入到亚洲去修习佛法。我移居加德满都，并加入佛教组织。当我修习藏传佛教愈多，我愈明显地感到此宗派太深奥和太复杂。在寺内，我常赶着绕波大那佛塔而行，又要念着观世音菩萨的密咒「唵嘛呢叭咪吽」。虽然没有人叫我这样做，但我经常每天花两至三小时修行，自然而然。
After six months at the Buddhist institute I realized that I did not wish to engage in the deep study of Tibetan Buddhism, which I felt was removed from my actual practice. Though I attended several Tibetan Buddhist retreats and meditation courses, which I found useful, I began to explore other Buddhist traditions. I went to India for a retreat in Goenka's Vipassana meditation. It was an edifying experience, which allowed me to have a closer look at my nature as it was, and sense the intricacies of my raging defilements. The experience gave me a strong feeling of how hard it is to deal with these afflictions, let alone remove them completely!
六个月後，我不想继续追求更高深的藏传佛教，并已脱离了实际的修持。虽然我还参加数次灵修坐禅的课程，感到有点受用，但我又开始探索其他佛教的宗派。我到印度参加了葛印卡的内观禅修营。这次啓蒙的经验，使我更深入见到自己的本性，感受到自已错综复杂而强烈的垢染，我相信凭我一己之力，没法完全断除的烦恼。
Seeking to learn more about various forms of Buddhism, I went to Thailand and enrolled in the International Buddhist College there. This was perhaps the first time I heard about Pure Land Buddhism, as the founders of the college were Chinese Buddhists from Malaysia who practiced both Ch’an and Pure Land.
我又走到泰国，追求其他形式的佛教。我报名加入当地的国际佛学院。学院的创办人来自马来西亚，他们是禅净双修的中国佛教徒。或许这是我第一次听闻净土宗。
In 2011, I read several books on Pure Land and felt a great attraction to this path. It resonated deeply with my own understanding of the need to be focused on a single practice. We really do not have much time to engage in miscellaneous practices, for life is so impermanent. Reciting the name of Amitabha Buddha was so easy, as I was already used to chanting the mantra of Amitabha’s close attendant, Avalokitesvara. I experienced a turnaround of mind and became a Pure Land practitioner.
What followed, of course, was the need to explore the different forms of Pure Land Buddhism. As there were relatively few books on the subject in English, I began reading different internet sites, most of which were associated with the Jodo Shinshu of Japan. I also found some materials in PDF format, which were freely available for download. Particularly inspiring was a work by Chinese Pure Land patriarch Yinguang, titled Pure Land Zen, Zen Pure Land in English.
2011年，我读了几本有关净土宗的书籍，引人入胜。心里有共鸣：我需要一门深入啊！人生无常，我确实没有太多时间去杂修。净土法门的称佛名号之行持很容易，反正我早已习惯念观世音菩萨的密咒，此菩萨是弥陀的近身侍者。一转念间，我就变成净土行者。接下来，我当然又要研究各种不同的净土宗。只可惜太少有关净土宗的英文书，我转移到网上搜寻，而大部份都是与净土真宗相关的。我也找到一些PDF档案，可免费下载，其中最富啓发性的莫过於是中国净土宗祖师印光大师的一本英文书，名《净土禅、禅净土》。
Time was passing, and I was uncertain as to exactly which Pure Land Buddhism tradition to follow. Long interested in religious poetry, I was amazed by the poetic compositions by Jodo Shinshu Buddhists, and even devoted my Master of Arts degree thesis to this topic. Yet I was certain that there is a need, at least for me personally, to recite Amitabha's name as the practice that leads to rebirth, rather than focus predominantly on faith -- the position advocated by Jodo Shinshu.
时间过去了，我尚未确定追随净土宗那一家。一直以来，我对宗教的诗词有兴趣，而净土真宗的诗作令人惊叹，我也以此题目写我的硕士论文。我确知「称佛名号」是往生的行持，而非净土真宗所推崇的「一念信心」。
I very much liked the teaching of the founder of the first separate Pure Land school in Japan, Honen Shonin, and thought about taking refuge in his lineage. However, I discovered that the straightforward and highly spiritual path taught by Master Honen became substantially ritualized, rigidly formalized and politicized with time. Today, there is an emphasis on the performance of funeral rituals and the income therefrom – something far removed from Honen’s original intent. Indeed, the vibrant spirituality of Pure Land Buddhism is very difficult to find within the framework of a highly organized religion, something that also applies to other faiths.
我特别喜欢日本净土宗的宗祖法然上人的教化，也曾考虑皈依他。但及後，我发觉，法然上人本来简单直接和高度信仰化的行持，随着时间逐渐变成仪式化、正规化、政治化。时至今日，他们更偏重殡仪及临终法事，也是他们的主要收入来源，但已远离法然上人的原意了！事实上，如一般信仰式的宗教一样，在一个高度严密的宗教组织里，很难找到讲求热情奔放的信仰之净土宗。
I was very fortunate to find the Facebook page of the Shandao lineage through a friend. I immediately started reading its literature in PDF format, which can be found on the associated English website (www.purelandbuddhism.org). I was deeply impressed by the message of Master Huijing, who systematically restored Shandao’s teachings after they were lost in China for more than a thousand years. Fully adopting the teaching of Shandao, who founded Buddhism's Pure Land school during the Tang Dynasty, the transmission is pristine and unalloyed. I also found that in this lineage, Pure Land spirituality is not just preserved, but remains as vital as it was during the times of Master Shandao and Master Honen.
透过朋友介绍，幸运的我终於找到了善导大师传承的「脸书」群组。我立刻翻阅净土宗英文网站的内容资料。慧净上人的文章和法语，系统地复兴了在中国遗失了一千多年的善导大师净土思想，我深受感动。他完全确立唐朝善导大师为净土宗宗祖的思想，使净土宗的传承是纯而不杂。净土宗的精神不只保存下来，而且富生命力，如善导大师和法然上人的时期一样。
To my great joy, I had found the living Pure Land tradition, which I am so glad to be a part of! I now put complete trust in Amitabha Buddha’s Fundamental Vow and recite his name. By doing so, I will forever escape this burning house, the suffering world of samsara.
我很欢喜找到还活着的净土宗，而且我是它的一份子。我现在全心全意信靠阿弥陀佛的本愿，称念其名号。如此这般，我将永离火宅 – 这个生死轮回的苦恼世界！